I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
