the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
