My nipple is on Facebook.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My balls are so social today.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
