My room smells like vodka and shame
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
