THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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