Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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