what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
