I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
