Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
