Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
