I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
