I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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