I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
