God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
