have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Dicks are not precious.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
