my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
