ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
