So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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