Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
