It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
