do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
worst night to have a conscience
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
