So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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