he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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