Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
