Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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