You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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