my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
