my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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