only if we run a train.
done.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
