Moan for me like Helen Keller
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
