Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
