I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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