let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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