You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
