You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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