I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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