You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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