I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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