Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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