I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
