we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
