We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Randomize
