The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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