he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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