I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
