Swine flu is the new snow day.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I FOUND THE LEGS
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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