Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
