his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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