If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
