I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Of course I have a pirate flag
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
