he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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