i barfeds in our rink
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
